WHEN YOUR REALITY IS NOT WHAT YOU ASKED FOR

Some say there are dreamers and realists.

A dreamer is inspired by the big picture of life and finds ease in using this vision to propel them forward, inspired by a desired outcome. 

Then there are the realists. Those talented & productive souls who possess an intrinsic ability to see what's right in front of them and use this information to  manage the daily tasks of life. 

While the dreamers are often found with their thoughts in the clouds, they're not immune to the hard truth of daily realities. And this realisation that life isn't what we asked for is where the challenge lies for all of us.

The realists get tired from the weight of responsibility and over-thinking, while the dreamers drop into reality with a huge ka-thump.

Broken sleep, sick children, a never-ending pile of washing, dishes from one end of the kitchen to the other and toys EVERYWHERE. Family and friends to care for, bills to pay and appointments to book only add to your brain's overwhelm, where you can almost feel the cogs turning over. Ka thump. Ka thump. Ka thump. Heavier and heavier they turn.

"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced"

Soren Kierkegaard

When you become aware life isn't what you wanted, emotions such as resentment, depression, anger, overwhelm, denial or anxiety may to rise to the surface. Can you relate? You find yourself frustrated or fearful of events and routines that hadn't bothered you two months ago. Perhaps you're more teary than normal, or alternatively - consciously or unconsciously - you begin implementing the (perceived) fail-safe strategy of disconnecting to your emotions just to get through. 'Tears?!' you might scoff. 'I don't have time for feelings! The wheels would fall of if I lost my s#&*.'

"How to get on top of your life when you have two babies:

1. you can't. 2 get a new dream"

Millie Poppins

Millie Poppins is a Motherhood Journey Coach and friend of ours (I employed her as a trainee over a decade ago - how cool is that!), and while she may have posted the above statement with a little tongue-in-cheek, it's not to be disregarded. There are certain realities at certain times in life you just. can't. fight.

You're committed. You know your life and your role in it matters, and you're here for the long haul, so what are you to do when you realise life isn't what you want?

Focus on these 3 steps:

1. Remind yourself of your why: the reason you're doing what you're doing, how you want those around you to feel in your presence, the memories you hope to create and the best self you yearn to be. This clarity needs to be so front-of-mind, all your decisions stem from it.

Still not convinced? Try this tactic: instead of thinking who you want to be, remind yourself who you DON'T want to be and WHY. This might include perceptions such as unreliable, not present, dismissive, angry, yelling, crying, unsafe. Remember, for any change to occur, the motivation must align with you. That requires you to decide what you're working toward or moving away from. For best results, get clear on who you want to present to your loved ones AND who you don't!

2. OWN IT. This is the second step in our signature coaching program EMPOWERED and in this context, is the most important. What is your current reality? There's no time for denial here.

Determine:

- what is your current reality? What is happening in your life right now that you just can't change?

- For example, if you're a mum to 3 under three, life is going to include lots of tears, mess, unpredictability (coupled with possible boredom and repetition), broken sleep and feeling like you've lost yourself. Remind yourself this won't be forever. Life has phases and you may well be in one. Perhaps you have a parent in palliative care. If so, this moment is NOW. It hasn't happened before and can't be pushed aside to a time when you can 'deal with it better'.  Another example could be you and your partner knowing now is the time to purchase your first home, so money and job security is the goal. If that's your decision, put the guilt of childcare, laundry piling up and lack of connection with friends aside, understanding again, this won't be forever. Or perhaps your tween is having a terrible time with friendships, health and academics and just really needs her mum. Being the safe and predictable anchor for her right now might need to take precedence over all else. Again, this won't be forever.

3. Now you take back control of your emotional and mental wellbeing by EMPOWERING yourself. If you've completed steps 1 and 2, 

-You know who you want to be

-You're clear on the reality of life right now.

It's time for step 3, making new and better decisions to align you with these. If you want to enjoy life as much as humanly possible, and you hope to share your best self with those you love & interact with, you must make choices and design a life that supports that dream. When you do this, you'll be faced with moments of decision: do you choose this or that?

If you've spent thorough time on step one, the clarity you've discovered will make decision-making EASY. No more back-and-forth in your mind, which adds to your mental exhaustion. Nope - adios mental fatigue, hello certainty! When you're clear on how you need to be RIGHT NOW, everything that doesn't matter falls away. Yes, the dishes might still be in the sink, but that 20 minutes of connection with your daughter will be invaluable. Small decisions such as this layer upon each other, becoming the choices and new daily practices which allow you to rest your head in peace, feel love in your heart, contentment in your body and hope in your soul.

 "Success is peace of  mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you were capable of being"

John Wooden

If you're searching for more of who you truly are, if you're sick and tired of feeling lack, frustration and hopelessness, come join us inside EMPOWERED the membership  where you have the tools, strategies and mindset of a life coach, mother and early childhood teacher at your fingertips 24 hours a day, 7 days a week FOREVER. Now is the time to reconnect with yourself and those you love, and be the rock your family deserves.

Sincerely

Catherine