BELONGING: A QUEST FOR SUPPORT AND COMFORT

Arguably one of the greatest wordsmiths of our time, Brene Brown has an effortless way of stating powerful messages in simple, succinct phrases. Listen to her interviewed and every other sentence sounds like it could be a bumper sticker. Google ‘Brene Brown Quotes’ and you’ll be prompted to narrow your goal by Shame & Guilt, Belonging, Resilience, Vulnerability, Leadership and more. In short, she has mastered the art of taking years of research and life experience and condensing them to bite-sized chunks of needed insight. Insight that is transforming relationships around the globe.

I’ve used her findings in professional trainings for my staff on several occasions, so when seeking further inspiration for thoughts on belonging, I went straight to the words of Brene Brown (and it was all I could do not to spend the next two hours submerged in her inspiring themes and teachings!)

My reflections of belonging came from a spontaneous conversation about family, community and colleagues. What makes – or prevents - these groupings being places of support and comfort?

For instance, say the word ‘family’ and some people warm, goo and gaa. They get an immediate oxytocin hit of feel-good feels. For others, their face remains neutral. Nothing is stirred. Family? Take it or leave it. Then the third group might be overtaken by cortisol rushing through their veins and making their heartbeat race as they activate their perception of what family is to them. Fight, flight, freeze or fawn impulses kick in as old patterns and memories rush to the fore.

The same can happen when we think of a particular person, a team or a community.

So, why does belonging matter?

If you’re a leader, how do you create a genuine sense of belonging?

What are you to do if you’re in a ‘grouping’ where you don’t belong?

In a nutshell, belonging is linked with survival. In past eras, if you didn’t have a ‘group’ to help you with shelter, food foraging and raising children, you’d die. Literally. This necessity of belonging has passed down through hundreds of years and remains lingering in our psyche. Afterall, we’re human – we’re not meant to do life alone, so you wanting to belong is natural and needed. In this decade however, ensure you're doing this consciously and pro-actively, rather than as a response to fear. 

For leaders of families or teams, creating a sense of belonging should be at the top of your list. It’s the basepoint from which all else can grow, such as identity, confidence, resilience, passion & commitment. Belonging says ‘in your strengths & weaknesses, in your best times and worst times, and with the flavour of your personality, we support you’. Can you imagine a world where that’s the norm? We mightn’t be able to impact 6 billion people, but doing what we can for our little corners of the world is surely a step in the right direction.

But sweet friend, if you’re the person feeling alone, not knowing where you belong or with whom, this is my offering and prayer for you:

“Each morning and every night, remember YOU are where you belong. In your thoughts that serve you, in your heart that cares for you and in your soul that inspires you, here is where you are safe and loved."

When that’s your truth, you can be anywhere, with anyone. Their behaviour doesn’t need to impact you. You still have the power to make choices that light you up. That’s the greatest way to belong. Belong to you.

Kindly,

Catherine

PS if you'd love to not be affected by other's actions, come coach with me. When you feel rocked, I'll be there to pick you back up. Click HERE or email [email protected]