WHAT'S YOUR ADVICE FOR A STRUGGLING MUM?

I remember a mum calling me one night, upset and at home alone with her two children. 

Another morning, while Directing a long day care centre, a mum called the preschool in tears. 

A few years later, a different mother called the Centre while driving, audibly upset, so much so, I asked her to pull her car over so she could calm and stay safe.

This week, I received a call from a mum who, not long after my normal, 'Hi, how are you?' she began to cry. 

These instances of four different women spanning a variety of situations, is not unusual.

If you're a mum, or you know a mum, I'm sure you understand these emotions all too well.

Let me ask you, what's your advice for a struggling mum?

Perhaps you don't offer advice, but merely be an ear to hear their woes and to confirm, 'It's ok - I'm here for you'.

"Helping one person may not change the world, but it may change the world for one person"

- unknown

I think it's important mothers remember parenting is a marathon, not a sprint, and with this in mind, it's vital they plan for the 'long-game'. That's right - it's not just this week's lack of sleep or family challenge to consider, it's a life-time of care and worry you've embarked on (Yikes!)  Planning for the longevity of motherhood requires sustainable practices like exercise, nutrition, mental and emotional wellness, passion-projects and a supportive tribe. There's lots more strategies to enjoy a happy life, but for now, we'll start with those as a foundation.

But what happens when a mum's got the long-term strategies in place, and life pulls the rug from her feet? Or she's just having a REALLY hard week, feels totally broken and doesn't think she can parent anymore?

What can she do right then and there? 

Here's a few options I'd offer, depending on the mum, my relationship with her, and the situation:

- LISTEN (sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us debrief and brain-dump, and a weight feels like it's been lifted)

- BREATH (deep and thoughtful breaths helps a person come out of their brain and into their body by stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system and decreasing stress hormones)

- GRATITUDE (this was the advice I suggested to the mum in the first example: take 5 minutes - or as long as possible - and write everything you love and or are grateful for regarding your children) 

- ENVIRONMENT (my suggestion for this week's lovely mum of three was to grab 'easy lunch/food', go to the backyard for nature & sunshine, and listen to music while her children played)

- EXPECTATION ADJUSTMENT (a primary focus in my online membership EMPOWERED is knowing what matters. Sometimes - lots of times - the tasks and to-do lists AREN'T what matters, so taking these off the list when a mum is struggling can help. Similarly, adjusting an expectation of what a child 'should' be doing can do wonders for our personal wellbeing: why do we keep getting surprised by tantrums? I know, easier said than done ... which is why I think every mum should have a life coach 🤌😉)

So, I ask again, what advice would you give a struggling mum?

And importantly, can you remember this when YOU'RE the mum who's struggling?

Do you take your own advice on your hard days?

Self-compassion, understanding and reminding yourself that every mum can feel that way is a gentle and supportive strategy to get you through the hard times. I encourage you to try it.

In the meantime, stay amazing, beautiful person.

Catherine

PS if you're struggling with mental illness, please seek professional advice