TWO REASONS FOR YOUR PARENTING CHOICES. KNOW WHICH TO USE AND WHEN.

There are age-old challenges parents face time and time again. 

To co-sleep or not.

How many extra-curricular activities is too much?

Which battle do I pick.... like Every.Day?!?!

And of course, many, many more decisions, choices and forks in the parenting-road.

 "Children do not 'deserve' explanations for their parent's instructions and decisions.

They deserve parents who are confident in their instructions and decisions."

- John Rosemond

As long as there are bubs, toddlers and kiddos in the world, there's going to be the back-and-forth decision-dilemmas for parents. Seriously - if it was easy, there'd be ONE best-selling parenting book, but there's not and there can't be because every parent:child dynamic varies, as too does each setting and context.

Does that mean we throw our hands up in defeat? No way! We're in this parenting role for life 🥰

So, let's keep moving forward with a pro-active approach that calms your mind, makes decision making SO MUCH easier and helps you keep the harmony in your home ... for longer at least 🙏

It involves understanding the two reasons for your parenting choices and then how to make peace with your decisions from here on out. Nice!

The This-Is-Best-Right-Now Choice

These common and sanity-saving decisions are the ones prompted by something like: 

- you're too tired to follow through

- you don't have the energy for your child's aftermath (think tantrum for a little one or 'attitude' from the elder for example)

- you don't like the feelings that come with the alternative choice because it will make you feel sad, guilty, nervous, doubtful, anxious. You know, the usual parent emotions!

- this response will provide a positive resolve for the moment

- this choice makes your life easier 🤌

The This-Is-Best-For-The-Future Choice

These are the decisions made based on a long-term vision and/or alignment with your family values, which in reality, go hand-in-hand. For instance, if you're making decisions about manners, presentation, abilities or kindness you're likely thinking of the teen or adult your child will become. To emphasise this further, the decisions you're making now to influence and guide your child's behaviour in a certain way are reflective of what's important to you. Your values.

Think of a parenting decision you've made that plays on your mind. There's something giving you a niggling feeling that has you wondering if it's the best choice. And when you're contemplating the 'best choice' there's lots to consider, isn't there? The child that's involved, other siblings, the future AND the present!

This niggling feeling is telling you one thing: you're making a choice that doesn't match your values.

Let's try some examples:

- You don't co-sleep with your child. This was an aligned decision you made early on and your child has no challenges going to bed after their wind-down routine. BUT, you're away from home, staying in an unfamiliar hotel and your child is sick. Although you believe the confidence to fall asleep alone is a necessary behaviour for later in life, and the ability to do so fosters children's confidence, autonomy and social skills, tonight you're going to bring them into your bed. In the moment, you swapped your value from Long Term Goal of independence to the Short Term Goal of emotional connection, comfort and wellness.

- You value respect and kindness, but Mr 4 behaves terribly disrespectfully to you, his siblings, teachers and friends. When you dig deep, you remember the hardships you were having during his early years. You had a new baby, you were grieving the loss of your mum, and you'd only recently relocated. Your reflection shows you didn't have the stamina, resilience, support or energy to follow through with these teachings, hence Mr 4 never had a consistent consequence for behaving rudely, unlike your first child. It took so much emotional strength to get through each day, your choices became lots of the This-Is-Best-Right-Now Choice. When you're feeling stronger in your emotional, mental and physical capacity, you'll move into the Best-For-The-Future Choices.

- You've grown up feeling walked all over, incapable and needy. By hell or high-water are you going to let your child feel the same! From an infant, you've held your child to a standard of capacity because you want her going out into the world with all the skills and independence she can get: physically, academically, socially and respectfully. At 12 months she no longer needed a comforter, by 3 she was responsible for her toys, by 5 she was a mini-mum, thinking ahead for her siblings and by 10, she's representing her school in athletics, swimming and debate. The This-Is-Best-For-The-Future Choice comes easy to you because your eyes on your daughter as a teen and adult. When your parenting's questioned, you don't waiver. The abilities and experiences that will set your daughter up for the greatest opportunity for success feels obvious! However, the time may come that you notice your girl's hurting, struggling or not quite herself. You'll decide in this moment to reduce your expectations and focus more on calm and connection. You're confident the skills you worked so hard to foster in her will re-emerge in due time, so for this season of her life, you'll opt for This-Is-Best-For-Now choices. These could include taking a break from extra-curricular activities, reducing her responsibilities in the home and giving her grace not to attend every family BBQ!

None of these choices are wrong or right. Do you know why? 

'Cause you're making the best decision you can with the information and experience you have, and with the circumstances in front of you! So here's my genuine and heartfelt acknowledgement to you - you're living the HARDEST job in the world! 👏👏👏

"Parenting isn't a practice. It's a daily learning experience."

- unknown

Parenting certainly IS a daily learning experience, but I believe there's a simple way to make it easier. It's my 3 Step Framework EMPOWERED.

In a nutshell, but in no particular order:

- Dream It (know what matters in the future and in the present)

- Own It (get clear and honest about your reality ... this includes your thoughts and feelings!)

- Live It (make choices that align with both 👍)

Until next time, stay wonderful and enjoy.

Catherine