TO THE MOTHER WHO THINKS SHE'S NOT ENOUGH

To the mother who thinks she’s not enough, I see you. The expectations that aren’t being met. The goals passing you by. The worries keeping you awake. You try every day to provide your loved ones with the best of you, but you think you’re failing, and the anxiety returns. I hear your pain.

Literally, I hear your pain.

Mother after mother, day after day, the pressures placed upon mothers to be healthy, calm, fun, organised, patient & loving are everywhere. Images of mothers at their utmost perfect-best are plastered across social media, television and appear the norm for celebrities. Clothes that fit like a glove, hair bouncing as if professionally styled and children smiling, happy and compliant – yeah right! Is that what you’re supposed to be aspiring to?

I’m going to take a punt and say you’re a bit over the whole comparison game. I trust you’re aware enough to know the damage done when comparing your behind the scenes with someone else’s highlight reel, but would I be correct in thinking that’s a little easier said than done? I get it. It’s only natural to wonder how some women seem so in control and put together, when you feel like you’re coming apart at the seams. This is common territory for many mums. Mothers invest their entire being to their families. Your physical body, your mental and emotional states. You say goodbye to your past self and dedicate your future to this new role, albeit an unknown and unpredictable fate. But you try to predict it, the best you can. You hope for your children’s happiness and wellbeing, striving to give them every opportunity to experience joy, connection, achievement and success. Of course you do – you’re mum! This little being is walking around as literally an extension of you. How could you not yearn and mull over potential threats or harm?

As stated, I hear these concerns frequently. These mothers’ concerns for her child’s welfare are often followed with a conversation ending in the perceived inadequacy she feels for her own  parenting ability skills, and the mother she believes her child needs.

So, to this mother, the mother who thinks she’s not enough, I offer an alternative. A perspective I’m certain you’re longing for.

You are the perfect mother. In the perfect time. For your perfect child. In every way.

And I’m not saying this to make you feel better. It’s fact. You have to be the perfect mother for your child, because you ARE their mother.  I urge you to take back control of your life – that is, your feelings – by choosing to believe you are enough.

Innocent, well-meaning & unaware, you’ve allowed little whispers and ideas of criticism meander through the pathways of your mind, turning into a story. This story you had in your mind became your daily narrative which inevitably became your reality. They led to the feelings of not-enoughness and worry, often to the further demise of your powerful, competent and capable self. I want to hold you gently by your shoulders and say ‘Nooo, that’s not your story’.

You need her back, that beautiful, curious and knowing part of you! I insist you find her and bring her back to life in all her loving, compassionate and purposeful glory, so you remember and experience being the woman you dream of and the mother your child needs. Whatever that looks like to you.

It can’t be found on social media, nor by watching the Jones’. It’s success and authenticity only exists in you, and that’s perfect.

This article was originally published in On The Coast Magazine