THE UN-POPULAR OPINION BLOG

🙋‍♀️ Hands up if you want to feel ALIVE, HAPPY, IN CONTROL or CALM?

Heck, what if you just want to feel better?

But you do you, beautiful person. Don't aspire for enthusiasm or passion if you're barely getting out of bed.

If your 'one step better' is feeling ok, that's awesome. Or if your 'one step better' makes you feel like shadow-boxing on top of a mountain, you go girl!

Where-ever you are in life today is perfect for you, but how DO we help ourselves feel better if we want to?

In reality, is your life going to drastically change for the better tomorrow? For example, are your children going to never tantrum or sulk again, is the washing going to wash and fold itself, and is your work going to fill your every desire?

My guess is Not Likely!

As a life coach, early childhood teacher and being a mum myself, I notice lots of verbal bargaining that talk mums OUT of their happy place.

Talk like:

"if they'd just do abc the first time I ask, then ...."

"if they'd stop xyz, then ....'

"if I had an extra 8 hours in my day, then ...."

I know I'm guilty of this. What about you?

We use 'If Then' justifications, which seem true, and can totally be proved!

But I ask you to ponder this: Do you want to feel justified or do you want to feel good?

And this is where my unpopular opinion comes in. But it's not just my opinion, it's the foundation of every life coach, therapist and feel-good advocate:

It's not other people or events that are keeping you from feeling 'good' (insert your own word).

It's the meaning you're giving it.

Let's dig in.

• Your child's tantrum in the middle of the isle isn't what's making you stressed; what you're telling yourself while it's happening is. Are you worried what people think? Are you feeling sad for, or scared of your child's emotions? Are you panicking about where you need to be next (hint: not standing in the supermarket!)?
• The fact your child just tipped your favourite pot plant over, isn't what's making you cross; what you're making that mean is.
• What your child's teacher did or didn't do isn't responsible for how you feel; what you decide to tell yourself about the impact of that on your child is what will influence your feelings.

I'm sure you've heard the Charles Swindoll quote,

'Life's 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it". 

I KNOW how frustrating it is to hear comments like this, especially when you're feeling you're worst. But that's sort-of the point, don't you agree? You don't WANT to feel at your worst, to yell every day, to feel sad, angry or alone. But nothing can change except you. And I believe you can if you want to. Sometimes in an instant, and sometimes over years 🙏

I believe you can retrain your thoughts, because I learned to do it too. It took a long time, but I learned how to regain control of my thoughts, my attitude, my hopes and my dreams. Then guess what happened? Life began to snow-ball into more feel-good days. And besides myself, guess who benefits the most? Yep, the people I interact with.

Who'll benefit most from you thinking better thoughts? Who are the people that'll reap the rewards of you regaining control over your emotions? Keep them top of mind so your WHY remains clear and motivating.

Next time you feel the tension or disappointment rise, gently think about your thinking by asking yourself, 'what am I making this mean?'

By coming home to the way you WANT to feel, you'll be starting the first steps to reclaiming your life. And the freedom of that is worth every effort because it brings calm, self-trust and an emotional freedom you've never known. Priceless.

Sincerely

Cath