THE COMPARISON GAME - WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION OR A SELF-DEVELOPMENT TOOL?

 It’s a windy Sunday morning and the skies can’t decide to rain or shine. Outside my second story window I can see large palm fronds swaying back and forth, slow in their motions because of the strength in the trunk of this huge tree. This solid trunk is anchored in the ground. Not moving; pure foundation as it supports the reaching of the branches that look peaceful and content in the breeze.

If only it was that simple for us to feel anchored and strong! Women are shown so many ‘other’ ways of being, supposed ‘better’ ways of being that we can’t help but wonder ‘what if’ or ‘should I?’ These comparisons pull us off track, taking us further from who we were born to be, leading us to feel lost, uncertain and not enough.

A palm tree knows it’s role. It doesn’t wonder if it should be living in the desert like a cactus or growing underwater like kelp. It just does the palm tree thing outside my window, happy in its being.

It reminds me of the benefit of a strong and aligned foundation. A foundation of YOU. Not the mothers at school, your group of friends, siblings or ‘insta-worthy’ mums living their best life (apparently ….) So how do you create a foundation of strength and alignment as you simultaneously live a very real and human life, one with tantrums and mess, tasks and tears?

In my experience of studying personal development and near-half-century-of-living, building this foundation is our soul’s purpose. It’s designing who you are, while REMEMBERING what you were born to be. Just you.

Each of us have unique gifts, talents, shadows, trauma, healing, and dreams to experience in this life. Compassionately exploring these for the purpose of your benefit and the benefit of others unfolds more gifts than you can imagine. And yep, some hard times too. But the growth is worth it – I’d promise that statement if I could.

Buuuut, this gets tricky when we play The Comparison Game. You know the one, where your brain tells you sneaky little thoughts like you’re not good enough, you’re a bad mum, you’re ruining your children, you’re too this, and not enough of that. Ahhhhg – it’s so berating and tiring. Agree?

And I’m going to call out the super-confident mums here too. If you’re thinking, “That’s not me Cath”, hey, I’m glad you don’t compare yourself to others, that you’re comfortable in your lane and have a strong sense of who you are. Rock on ‘cause it’s awesome, what I aspire toward and what I hope for my children. I have a question though, a curiosity noticed from years of observations of myself and others: do you ever feel lack or frustration when you don’t achieve your goals? Whether it’s major like getting a qualification, or small like wanting to drink eight glasses of water a day, how does your brain react when you don’t succeed?

Of course goals have to be evaluated, but I’m wondering what your self-talk is when you don’t do what you set out to do?

Are you reflective, realistic, and kind, or are you pretty-darn nasty to yourself?

The thing is, I have a very basic principle for life happiness.

Feel good as much as possible. And be ok when you don’t.

Let’s get back to building a solid and aligned foundation, strong like the palm tree outside my window, and how The Comparison Game can be used to support your dreams instead of becoming a weapon of mass destruction.

In reality, you’re going to compare because you’re HUMAN!

It’s natural for your brain to constantly scan your environment ‘cause that’s how it ensures your safety and survival. Your job is to do this consciously by choosing ‘comparisons’ that inspire you toward your you-ness, not a societal view of who and how you should live, that lead you further from your truth.

As you lean into personal and TRUE alignment, your foundation gets stronger and stronger.

This is how you come home to you, to feeling centred, and to calming your nervous system. It’s how you reduce your flight, fight and fawn responses, and your anxiety to instead feel so much more CONTENT. 🤌🧘‍♂️ Ahhhhh…. now that’s a better feeling AND a better you to offer your children.

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Until next time, stay wonderful and enjoy,

Catherine