First Born VS The Siblings: a belief shakeup for mum

There’s a familiar chuckle I have with mums of multiple children – it’s how differently the latter infants are treated compared to the first! At preschool, it’s not uncommon to see an older child awkwardly carrying their younger sibling through the yard. This younger babe is sliding down the body of the big brother or sister as they’re heaved in a direction of no choice. Sibling friends are poking, pulling, prodding and speaking SOOO close to the little one’s face, until – sometimes – mum steps in, with ‘that’s enough now’.

 The mother and I laugh, ‘We’d never let that happen to the first born!’

The first child is often treated with delicacy, swaddled and protected from peering eyes, strangers’ breath and prodding hands. By the time Mr 4 comes along… it’s all changed!

1. You don’t have enough hands or time to keep number 4 away from the happenings in the home
2. The older siblings need to connect with their little one and in these moments, are learning how to be gentle … and aware of personal space
3. You’re not as worried about germs, dirt or your child being broken

This is not to say you don’t care for your subsequent children as much as your first born. It’s just that you’ve added more years, knowledge and experience to your parenting. You’re a different mum. Not right or wrong, good or bad, better or worse. Just different.

So, what shifted in your thinking, to allow Number 4 to be handled in a way you couldn’t imagine for your first?

Your curiosity about this question is a HUGE benefit to feeling the way you want to feel as a mum. And not only in terms of what’s ok for one child compared to another, but for YOU. For you to feel successful, competent, present, empowered … you fill in the blank that’s most aligned to your journey. Your interest in wondering what, why and how your thinking changed is gold when it comes to doing things in a way you feel happy with.

In your life, you’ve created beliefs about …. well, everything! In this instance, you had baby Number 1 and with it, beliefs about what was ok and not ok. A few years later, along comes Number 2, 3, 4 or 5, and with it, a new set of standards.

Number 1 might only have been put to sleep in her nursery, where-as Number 3 has learned to nap anywhere, in anything, anytime!

Number 1may have tried one new food per week, while Number 4 has been tasting his siblings’ snacks for goodness knows how long….

What other differences can you list between parenting your first born to latter children?

Now let’s apply this analysis to creating your dream life!

‘Cause in all honesty, who sets out to feel average every day? Not me and I’m guessing not you because you’re here with me now.

Understanding that your beliefs can change over time is KEY to uplevelling! This realisation tells you what you thought was true or relevant 5 years ago, 5 days ago or even 5 minutes ago does NOT equal what you need to think now. Beliefs are thoughts, right? You can change your thoughts which means you can change your beliefs. Changing your beliefs can change your entire life. Yes ladies, we’re talking meta-cognition here.

If you’re quietly annoyed at a routine in your home, the way a colleague treats you, the way you’re ‘supposed’ to exercise or a zillion other things, get curious and see if your related beliefs are worthy of a shakeup.

This matters because what you believe impacts your feelings, which impacts your actions which impacts your WHOLE LIFE.

Does thinking your child’s wrong for waking through the night make you feel worried that you or your child is doing something wrong? This belief is not true. It’s not a fact that there’s something wrong with a mother or child if the child wakes during the night. It’s merely a thought in your mind. What thought would be more serving for you? For example, ‘my child is perfect the way they are’, or ‘night-time waking is not a sign of inadequacy’. Feel free to make your own.

Get curious, get excited and believe your way to a life you love.

The fun part of belief shakeups is that you get to PLAY. You get to choose what you want to think, feel and act on. Yep – taking control of your beliefs is taking back control of your life. And that’s priceless.