CAPACITY AND RESILIENCE. LET'S CHAT TO HELP OUR CHILDREN

Have you read the Mem Fox children's book, 'Harriet, You'll Drive Me Wild!'?

My children are 29 and 23 and this book STILL makes my eyes well with emotion 😥

Harriet's an adventurous, busy, creative and energetic child who keeps her mother on her toes. Consistent with Mem Foxes wonderful writing, this story has a gentle rhythm and predictability. In the beginning, Harriet's mother softly responds to her daughter's antics with 'Harriet, you'll drive me wild'. Both mother and daughter are smiling, connected and life is good (wink wink). As the story progresses, Harriet's challenging behaviour continues and with it, the decrease of her mother's patience until she yells "Harriet, you drive me wild!' Not smiling. Both mother and daughter are upset by the mother's reaction.

We've all been there. Our frustration rises, our capacity reduces, and we say or do things we wish we didn't. We move from that well-intentioned, loving adult to a reactive mess ... and then the guilt sets in!

This is a cycle every well-meaning parent and educator wants to stop. And it can!

Here's two ways I lead my preschool teams in building resilience and capacity, which are also how I grow these skills as a mum (and human!). Perhaps you can try it too.

Resiliency

Resilience is the ability to 'bounce back' or to cope with life's ups and downs. I'm sure you've seen many inspirational quotes like:

"It's not how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up"

"Life's 5% what happens to you and 95% how you respond"

"Life doesn't get easier. We get more resilient"

In 2016 I created the Resiliency Scale. I teach it to my team, in workshops, in trainings for other preschools and it lives on in EMPOWERED, my online membership for mums. It's designed to give you awareness and a strategy to measure and communicate the resilience of yourself, your team or your family.

Living this human life will give us highs and lows. It will bring us joys and challenges, happiness and sadness, ease and struggles. Instead of using our mental and emotional energy to fight this reality, let's agree that's the truth so we can focus on moving forward. Cheers to that 🙌

Picture a line from 0-10. Give yourself a number to represent how you normally deal with life. For instance, if you feel sad, depressed, frustrated or angry every other day, you might rate your resiliency at a four. In contrast, if you look back of the last decade, and are impressed with your positive, can-do attitude, particularly in light of the numerous challenges you've experienced, you might rate yourself an eight. That's your personal Resiliency Number. You can also do that for a collective, such as your family, you and your partner as a couple, or your colleagues. Would you rate your 'group' of people as resilient or do the wheels fall off easily? Again, choose a number for your group that represents their 'norm'.

Having these numbers is an easy, no-drama way of sharing how you're doing, especially when you don't have the time, space or emotional capacity to verbally explain. In a workplace (where young children are nearby and the focus of our days), it's important for staff to maturely and responsibly communicate their level of resilience, especially if it's lower than normal. As a mum, it's important too. Every mum wants less 'Harriet, You're Driving Me Wild!' moments!!! When your resilience is low, you can use the Resilience Scale by telling the relevant people, 'I'm at a three today'. This allows them to be compassionate and gentle with you, as well as the opportunity to take a load off of you if possible. If you're on your own, acknowledging your reduced resilience to cope with life, the day or the routine (dinner, baths and bedtime perhaps 😉🤌), means you're aware of your reality so can take PURUPOSEFUL actions to care for yourself. I cannot emphasise the benefit of this on you and your children. The awareness to know your limits and the personal signs that tell you you're nearing breaking point is a powerful parenting process. If you acknowledge them, that is....

Recognising when your resilience is lowering is your cue to increase your capacity. That's key number two, so let's chat capacity.

Capacity is your ability. You have physical capacity, mental capacity, emotional capacity, time capacity. What else can you measure capacity in: Patience? Energy?

Increasing your capacity increases your growth and personal growth increases your ability to be safe and consistent for those you love and/or lead (hint: children) Capacity and resilience are very closely linked. For example, as you grow your capacity to deal with big emotions, lack of sleep, behaviour challenges or life circumstances so too will you grow your resilience. This is a necessary and freeing cycle of personal development that once learned, you'll never regret practicing.

Capacity and Resilience go hand-in-hand, so it doesn't matter which word you use; it just matters you GROW. Building resilience and capacity to work through hard things is an essential part of raising and leading children, because they're watching us, aren't they? So, take your 1-10 rating of resilience, picture your capacity building as strength training for your mind, and let's live free and full lives of emotional regulation, joy and connection for the next generation. Whatever that looks like in your world.

I'd love to hear from you. Email [email protected] and tell me the area of capacity building that's going to best help your situation! The journey of leading and guiding children's growth is a long one, so buckle in. We're not shooting for massive, overnight wins, changes or developments. Small steps to develop your capacity for authentic happiness is the biggest reward.

Stay amazing

Catherine