3 HACKS TO CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS AND YOUR LIFE

• Do you feel resentful if no-one says thank you for the fourth load of washing you’ve put away in between making dinner, booking appointments, making playdates and singing Baby-Shark for the umpteenth time? Not that you want people to say thank you of course.
• Is money a source of stress in your home?
• Do you restack the dishwasher? I mean seriously, doesn’t your family know how to place utensils yet?!

These everyday tasks often go unnoticed in your relationships, not impacting the family or work dynamic or collective energy. Until they do. That’s when it can feel like it’s time to take cover as words become weapons, radiating energies shoot through each other like a knife and frustrations come the fore.

This is when relationships get damaged. And that’s not our goal.

If you see this happening, there’s 2 options you have:

1. You pretend it’s over and the issues are swept under the rug. Exceeeepppttt, that bump under the rug is going to keep tripping up you and your loved ones until it’s cleared away.
2. You and those in your life find ways to safely chat these issues through.

Easy right? Sort of, but it takes purposeful actions and commitment. Let’s do it 😊

Of course Option 2 is your intention, but let’s be real. It’s hard to have these talks when you’re flat out trying to confirm who’s picking up who, when the groceries are arriving (not to mention who’s ordering them and what’s needed), what day the family BBQ is and don’t even start about delegating the jobs piling up around the house. ‘You want us to talk about feelings, dreams, challenges and goals Cath? Sure’ I hear you say with a roll of the eye and dismissive hand gesture.

I get it. But hear me out. I like things to be easy (life, work, exercise …..) so let’s start talking Relationship Hacks For A Happier Life.

There’s something as beneficial for your relationships as the quality time you spend with those you love and care for and that’s understanding you can influence the relationship single-handedly. Yep, you heard me right. By yourself. I’m aware of the analogy it takes two to tango, but I’m adding, ‘it takes one to lead’.

When you grasp this miracle-working hack, your life won’t be the same. By understanding and IMPLEMENTING these 3 tips, you’ll reduce disappointment and frustration, increase your patience, and feel totally inspired in your relationships. You’ll feel like a human magician as you wave your magic wand of compassion, knowing and connection over relationship issues that used to make you want to run for the hills!

Relationship Hack One

If I may channel The Beatles, ‘All You Need Is Love’. I appreciate you understand this notion, but sadly, many of us THINK we’re giving our special people the love and feels, when in fact, we’re missing the mark. It’s like trying to catch a butterfly with a hoop. Ineffective if we’re not ‘speaking their language’ or showing them in the way that has meaning and resonance for their heart. Hack Number One is to brush up on Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages learn what primary Love Languages apply to your people, then let these findings lead the way. Does your child always seem to be bringing you special rocks, drawings or presents? Their primary Love Language is likely Gifts. Is your bestie can be counted on to drop off meals, make you coffees or run your errands, their Love Language could be Acts Of Service. By reciprocating or showing your affection for others in the way that resonates with them, you’ll immediately fill their heart - their love tank - and from this space of connectedness, validity and safety, connection is healed, and purposeful conversations can take place.

Relationship Hack Two

Anthony Robbins, arguably the best life coach in the world, coined the concept of Human Needs, sometimes referred to as Core Needs. He refers to six Human Needs, but for the purpose of this hack, I’ll refer to the first four: Certainty, Variety, Significance & Connection. The good news is EVERYONE has these Needs, that means, once you’ve discovered your loved one’s Primary Needs – abracadabra – you’ve got a second way to respect and understand those around you. For example, instead of feeling frustrated your sister chose the SAME restaurant the last three times you’ve gone out, you ooze compassion. When you notice her main motivator in life is safety, security and certainty, everything from the past begins to make sense: the discount purchases, the low risk-taking, the over-thinking, her irritation and anxiety when you suggest a change in plans. You understand it’s because she NEEDS to feel safe and certain in life. Or perhaps you can relate to this need of Certainty and now it’s blindingly clear where your worries stem from?

Relationship Hack Three

When I was a kid, my dad and I were determined to get to the end of a certain Commodore 64 game. Each level or room had to be mastered before you could get to the next. When we lost three times in a row, we had to start again from the beginning. And that happened a lot! This meant we became quicker at getting through the rooms because we knew where the rewards were as well as every element that could destroy us. This is similar to Hack Three. The first two hacks are easy enough for you to discover on your own, but Hack Three is a little trickier to determine solo. It can be done, but will be quicker and more effective if you’re able to bring your other on board. Implement Hacks One and Two first to ensure your loved one is feeling safe, seen and heard. You want them to know they matter to you as you get curious about Hack Three.

Unbeknown to most of the population, we humans are walking around with a secret Rule Book of how we like things to be done, what people should do and what’s important or not. This applies to small things like the packing of the dishwasher – yes, I’m calling that a small thing – and larger issues such as ethical dilemmas and world views. Unfortunately, most people are totally unaware of this Rule Book, then wonder why they get angry, let down, disappointed and even what makes them feel good. Knowing your personal Rule Book as well as the Rule Book of those you love and work with is VERY HELPFUL in creating relationships that last the test of time or at the very least, show respect and maturity. It’s the super-secret Relationship Hack that brings compassion, tolerance, team-work, belonging and a thousand more positive results!

Can you think of a friend who gets super-irritated when people are late and another friend who doesn’t even notice? Your first friend might have a Rule that people who are late are disrespectful and selfish. Friend number two just doesn’t see it that way. She likely has different criteria before labelling someone with these qualities. Perhaps she thinks a person is disrespectful when they talk over her, cut in line or spit. There are unlimited Rules we’re influenced by. Your goal is to get curious about your Rules for life and the Rules of others without judgement. Your new word to succeed with Relationship Hack Three is CURIOSITY. Just get curious about the Rule Books of the humans you engage with, including yourself.

As I bid you farewell, I encourage you to apply these Relationship Hacks ASAP. They changed my personal and professional relationships … and they changed my life. They can be as beneficial for you and I'd love to hear your discoveries. Shoot me an email and update me with the greatest A-HA moments you had seeing these play out in others …. and in yourself!

Knowledge isn’t power. Applied knowledge is.

 As a mother, early childhood teacher and life coach, I'm all for empowering women. If you love conversations like this, learn more about coaching with me HERE